Tangents Stories

McCrory enjoys having his head up his own ass since 2012

Charlotte, NC — Pat McCrory is sitting on a rocking chair outside his Myers Park home. “What a beautiful day,” he says. “It’s a great day to be in North Carolina.” In truth, it’s raining horribly, as it has for days. But McCrory has no idea. That is because for the last five years, the former governor has accomplished the nearly-impossible feat of living each waking moment of his life with his head up his ass.  “What’s that smell?” Says McCrory, his feet high in the air, so that his head never

Trump presidency ends as Bob Newhart wakes from dream

Chicago, IL — The turbulent era of a Donald Trump presidency came to an abrupt end yesterday as Chicago psychiatrist Bob Newhart awoke for what he later described as “a really strange dream.” “It was really weird,” said Newhart. “I dreamed that I was living in New England. Then I dreamed that this rich bully that nobody liked, but everybody liked to talk about got elected. People seemed to vote for him without thinking about what they were doing. Daryl, Larry and Daryl? They voted for him,